As 2008 comes to a close, we bring you a snippet of one of the most pointless of lists - the top music of the year list.  Granted, our music list isn't as pointless as some of those other lists by so called "music journalists".  In fact, our list is probably the best year end countdown in the whole wide world.  So to whet your appetite for the upcoming Simple Minded Top 100 Songs of 2008 list, here's the top 10 songs as chosen by us in 2007.

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10.    "The Beginning of the End" - Nine Inch Nails - (Year Zero)

9.    "Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors" - Editors - (An End Has A Start)

8. "Milk Lizard" - The Dillinger Escape Plan - (Ire Works)

7.    "Me, I'm Not" - Nine Inch Nails - (Year Zero)

6.    "The Good Soldier" - Nine Inch Nails - (Year Zero)

5.    "No One's Gonna Love You" - Band of Horses - (Cease to Begin)

4.    "Sick, Sick, Sick" - Queens of the Stone Age - (Era Vulgaris)

3.    "Setting Forth" - Eddie Vedder - (Into The Wild Soundtrack)

2. "Fix Your Face" - The Dillinger Escape Plan" - (Ire Works)

1.    "Dashboard" - Modest Mouse - (We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank)

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Wow, now that's one sexy list.  The 2008 list is coming soon.  Check back later.

     In the internet age, "hero" is a term overused by many people.  But in the past couple of weeks a woman by the name of Judy Ackerman has shown us the true meaning of heroism.  The Fascist Border Wall, being built by moronic politicians and law enforcement officials who don't know jack about how to control crime and terrorism, threatens the beauty and natural balance of our desert habitat.  The Rio Bosque Wetlands Park is a sliver of the beautiful desert wetland that once existed along the entire length of the Rio Grande in the Paso del Norte region, and this wall threatens to destroy it.  The Great Wall of Fascism serves no purpose other than to make idiots feel safe and to make brain dead politicans look like they are doing something instead of actually using their brains to think of a plan to actually stop terrorism.  To date, no one has had the balls to stand up to these fascists in our government.  Fascists who wish to turn our country into a police state run by only the most corrupt of politicians who pander to the uneducated and ignorant by dangling the keys of "terrorist threat" in front of their infantile eyes. 

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     But this woman, Judy Ackerman, did something that all of us should have done.  She stood her ground in front of the construction crew building the wall and the keystone cops and refused to budge.  This act of defiance will go down in history as a sign that not all Americans were willing to bow down to the Naziesque leaders of America during the early 21st century.  It will show that some of us were willing to fight for what we believe in.  So I salute Judy Ackerman not only for standing up for her environmental beliefs, but for standing up against the fascist principles our great nation is currently adopting.  Check out Bobby Byrd's blog for a recap and video of the events.

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Here is an artist's rendering of what happend on that fateful day.  Note Judy Ackerman standing defiantly as Chertoff and the DHS tanks bring their wall to the border.  Obama tags along for the ride and nods his approval as a fascist Nazi sheriff looks on making sure that no pesky Mexicans get int he way.  This is frightening because it's very true.

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     If you truly care about this country, you should be against this wall.  The Great Wall of Fascism stands for the stupidity, racism, and arrogance that is currently enveloping the nation.  And this isn't just an attack on the Bush administration, the democrats and Barack Obama are more responsible for this wall than George Bush and his cronies.  Congress and the Senate along with Obama voted for this wall, so they are more than responsible for this mess.  So I say to Barack Obama, "If you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the United States and the rest of the world, if you seek change, come here to the border wall.  Mr. Obama, open the doors don't close them.  Mr. Obama, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!"  The new administration has the opportunity to show us that it really will be different.  But I'm not holding my breath, the new guys coming in are just the same old fascists with a different name.

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     And to all the morons and superpatriots who like to argue that this will help our country, why don't you buy a book or watch something other than your "Toby Keith: Live From Hicksville" DVD and get the full truth of what is happening.  The terrorists aren't stupid, they come here legally and won't use Mexico as a staging point - just ask the masterminds of the 9/11 attacks.  There goal is to blend in and to act like perfect citizens until they strike, being an illegal immigrant in this country would jeopardize their whole operation.  And the drug lords aren't stupid either.  They won't transport their goods so haphazardly through rough terrain and rivers.  The river was already a natural barrier, the Great Wall of Fascism is just overkill.  Maybe the wall is a good idea in the open desert, but there's already A FUCKING RIVER AND FENCING IN THE EL PASO SECTOR!  How stupid do you have to be to think another fence is even necessary.  You honestly think this will stop anything.  The average moron says that Mexico is corrupt and this will protect us.  But take a look in the mirror, the current state of American politics is even more corrupt than Mexico.  Mexico might have more corrupt officials, but the corrupt American officials more than make up for it by pocketing more money than the Mexican officials could even dream of. (coughBAILOUTPACKAGEcoughHALLIBURTONcough)  Just look at the current mess in Illinois if you need a relevant example.  And don't for one second think our law enforcemnt is lilly white, just ask FBI agent Robert Hanssen about how honorable the men in uniform really are.  Even after the Soviet Union collapsed they still had spies on the inside.  Robert Hanssen sold his country out for only $1.4 million!  $1.4 million is a drop in the bucket for terrorists and drug lords.  You have to be very naive to think that senators, congressman, federal agents, and government officials aren't currently dancing with the devil for a few bucks.  You think a little wall is going to really stop what's truly wrong with this country? 

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     Destroying the Great Wall of Fascism will not only save the Rio Bosque Park, but it will also save our country.  Judy Ackerman is a great person and a true hero who fights for the little things but stands for so much more.  And now, in her honor, I present to you the video for Metallica's "Hero of the Day".  Enjoy.

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It was either this or Enrique Iglesias' "Hero".  I think this kicks more ass.

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- Jared Jason Mendoza, Duckrunner

Welcome to the Simple Minded Bounty, inspired by the cruelty of the rest of the blogosphere and the real world.  Join me as I put a bounty on the head of people who piss me off and/or who are complete douchebags.  And what rewards do I offer for the brave bounty hunters of the world?  Whatever crap I have collecting dust in my room!

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THE DOUCHE

Oscar Goodman throws like a girl.

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     Recently, Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman made a snide remark about El Paso.  Normally I'd ignore stupid remarks by ignorant people like this, but I haven't written much lately so I figure I'd start a vicious attack.  His exact ignorant remark was "If we didn't have the mob in our background, we'd be like El Paso with gambling," "  I'm sure his feeble brain thought that was a clever put down, but it doesn't make any sense.  What in the hell does his comment even mean?  El Paso with gambling would be awesome and much better than Las Vegas.  Hell, aside from the the few miles of road that encompasses the strip and the part of downtown that isn't covered by that tacky video tarp, Las Vegas is one of the crappiest cities in the country - it's like Phoenix only more boring and plain.  My guess is that Goodman was trying to say that Las Vegas was made classy by the mob, but the only thing the mob did was bring in it's tacky Italian-American taste to Las Vegas and blow it up by a factor of 1000.  A more correct statement is, "If it wasn't for gambling, Las Vegas would be just like New Jersey."  Hell, outside the strip it's like Jersey in the desert.  Do you think there's too much fake gold plating and flashing lights in Las Vegas.  If you're a guido, the answer is NO.  Those guys can never have too much gold plating and flashing lights - and that is the true legacy of the mob in Las Vegas.    

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     If GM were to reintroduce a gold plated Camaro IROC-Z with neon lights, New Jersey by itself would save the auto market.  And that's the true metaphor for Las Vegas, a tacky gold plated IROC-Z with neon lights that no self-respecting person would ever buy.  Don't get me wrong, the drunky part of Las Vegas is fun - but it ain't classy and it doesn't have any culture to speak of whatsoever.  The showgirls are hot and do a great job of jiggling their little bodies, but I hardly consider it great ballet.  And when I think of classy and beautiful architecture, pyramids and roman temples made of cheap steel and plaster of paris is not one of the first things that come to mind.  As for culture, you can buy all the classic paintings in the world but it only a makes you a hick with lots of pretty pictures.  And let's face it, the fact that cirque de soleil makes it's home in Las Vegas only makes the city more pretentious than any other place on Earth.  Even the people in New York City think that Cirque de Soleil is pretentious and overbearing.  And when New Yorkers think you're pretentious and overbearing, you're BEYOND pretentious and overbearing.  Oscar Goodman only shows his ignorance and the ignorance of those he represents when he criticizes a city with hundreds of years of history in order to make his 75 year old shithole seem like it's a great place.  And if you read between the lines, he's implying that if it wasn't for the mob Las Vegas would be filled with dirty Mexicans and their dirty drugs - what a racist.  And shouldn't mayors be working on solving their city's problems instead of babbling to third rate magazines.  Last time I checked Las Vegas was on pace to run out of water in 20 years, shouldn't you guys be checking into that instead of building mob museums and trying to dangerously increase your population even though you are already overpopulated?
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THE REWARD

The Canon Pixma printer is like the IROC-Z of printers.  And it could be all yours if you kick Oscar Goodman's ass.

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     It may seem that making fun of Oscar Goodman's ignorance is enough punishment for his stupidity, but that's not enough.  And this is why we have the Simple Minded Bounty.  So for anyone reading this, I have decided to put a bounty on Oscar Goodman's head.  If you beat up Oscar Goodman and cause some moderate bodily harm I will give you a reward.  That's right, you'll get your very own state-of-the-art Canon Photo Pixma Inkjet printer.  It's been in my room for awhile and I don't remember how I got it, but it can be all yours.  It's never been used and I only opened it to make sure it wasn't drugs.  Because as rascists like Oscar Goodman like to ramble on about, Paso del Norte is infested with drugs and we are nothing more than dirty Mexican drug dealers.  And here in El Paso, everything is drugs.  The streets are drugs, the people are drugs, the toys are drugs, our money is drugs, everything is drugs.  But not our Pixma printers, those are pure Canon-quality machines - and one of those can be yours.  So there you go, beat up Oscar Goodman and you get a brand new printer.  This bad boy prints photo quality prints, you can't go wrong with that.  Even the box is cool - look, it has a cute little ducky!  And all this can be yours if you beat up Oscar Goodman.  Just beat him up enough so that he gets some heavy bruises and welts and I will send you the printer to whatever jail you are transported to.  I know that 85% of the population of Las Vegas are criminals, so get to it.  And if you are a minor, I'll even send you the printer if you beat up any of Oscar Goodman's school age relatives.  He has to have sons, daughters, or nephews in school.  And if you're a minor, you only go to a juvenile detention facility - that's like the Ritz Carlton of jails.  So get cracking good people of Las Vegas, beat up your mayor for being a douchepie and you get a printer.  To claim your prize, just send me a link to the news story that explains how you beat up King Asshole Goodman and I'll send the printer via USPS to the jail where you are incacerated.  Viva Las Vegas and Viva Free Canon Printer!*
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     And props to Newspapertree for standing up for El Paso.  Sito Negro practically gave Oscar Goodman the equivalent of a journalistic blow job in his opinion piece.  I wonder how far they'd bend over for a free trip to Las Vegas.  For the record, Simple Minded Entertainment will only bend over at a 45 degree angle for a free trip to Las Vegas.  No toe touching for us, thank you very much.

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-Duckrunner

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* If you are threatened or offended by this post, I suggest you open up a dictionary and look up the word 'satire'.  If you're still threatened or offended, there's this bridge out in Brooklyn I might be able to sell you for a good price.

- Masonry drill girl is cute, but the masonry drill isn't a very common tool. (0:35)

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- That girl is drilling with rhythm and you can tell she loves what she does.  Our lazy American auto workers could learn a lot from these fine young ladies.  They'd probably work for free or for a small stipend of baby oil and good tunes.  If the UAW had any workers like these, we wouldn't be in this mess. (0:37)

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- Belt sander girl is a bit more relaxed, but I bet she knows a thing or two about joinery. (0:43)

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- Hmmm, she's a bit dirty.  It's off to the showers for you, young lady. (0:44)

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- The angle grinder is okay, but not a very common or powerful tool. (0:46)

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- God bless that sweet little drill girl.  (0:57)

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- Here come the big guns, the heavy duty breakers.  (1:03)

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action saw girl is perhaps one of the hardest workers in the video. 
She's been working so long and hard she's practically drenched.  (1:11)

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- Is that my little drill girl running the orbital sander?  Such a hard worker.  Now I love her even more.  (1:19)

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- Keep on working it.  You have to get that wood nice and smooth, some homeowner is counting on you.  (1:25)

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- I've never wanted to work in construction so badly in my entire life.  (1:29)

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