HELLO, HELLO WE'RE BACK AGAIN!

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I have those exact same pants with a giant "G" on the ass.  The "G" stands for Goooooooodness!

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So after a few months of no posts, we've posted some stuff up recently in the past month.  Hopefully we'll continue updating after that brief rough patch of no updates that I like to call "Getting hit in the face with the real world and realizing adults don't have any free time for garbage like opinionated websites."  So we're sort of back, I guess.  If anything, we'll get you your annual Top 100 Songs list and a couple of more rants in there to make it seem like this site is not dead.  In the meantime, enjoy Gary Glitter shaking his ass and singing.  This video is definitely going on the Simple Minded Video Champagne Room soon, as well.  So start enjoying it.  And yes, we're aware of Gary Glitter's legal troubles.  But we're just celebrating his relevant and kick-ass music and not celebrating his weirdo personal life.  Just face it, all musicians and artists are degenerate bastards with skeletons in the closet - it's best not to focus on personal lives when dealing with music, movies, art, crochet, etc.  So yeah, we're back.

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GOODBYE, GOODBYE (FOR NOW) SIMPLE MINDED IS BACK!

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My earliest memory of a major world event broadcast via television involved Libya.  I was pretty young, so I think it was the aftermath of the Lockerbie bombings and the possibility of an allied attack on Libya.  What I remember most was clips of Libya's military, which consisted of a video of a tank and a plane on a constant loop.  I was scared, of course, because kids are stupid and are easily scared.  In hindsight, the reason they looped the video was because that was probably all of Libya's military power - one tank and one plane.  But the real reason is because the media is shit and they love nothing more than fear mongering.  All journalism is garbage, but American journalism is the biggest shit of all because of the image they try to present that they are fair, honest and unbiased.  This is complete garbage because journalism like utopia is a theoretical concept that doesn't exist.  The only form of news that exists in the real world is tabloids because everyone is biased - thus a balanced and unbiased interpretation of any information is impossible.  So as I start thinking about the recent events in Libya I am reminded of being manipulated by the media as a kid and how much garbage journalism really is.  A few weeks ago Gaddafi was killed and now all of his family has finally been captured and it sort of feels odd that the first major "World Bad Guy" that I knew is now dead.

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Gaddafi was a bastard and deserved to die, but as far as dictators go there are worse ones out there.  And as far as his corruption goes, you can find people with similar "business arrangements" and "business contracts" running around Washington D.C.  Perception is very important in life, and once someone gets a small peak into who you are they will start making judgments and their own overall interpretation of what type of person you are.  And no matter what you do, some people will always think the worst of you.  Gaddafi did some good things in his time in power and he really did love Libya, but he didn't do himself any favors by staying in power for so long, using violence with his own people and just not knowing when to quit.  And let's not even get started on his parenting skills.  Man, all his kids are such cunts.  How can someone raise such spoiled and rotten offspring?  For the most part, Gaddafi could have simply faded into the sunset with most of his wealth and continued being a speaker or professional asshole/troll for the remainder of his life.  For a psychopath, he really did have some good ideas and had the most rational solution to the Israel/Palestine problem.  His solution was to combine both countries into a secular state called Israelestine or something equally asinine.  He was probably just trolling both the Israelis and Palestinians.  But what does it say about the Israelis and Palestinians that the only rational solution to the problem came from the mouth of Gaddafi?  Gaddafi was a Muslim bad guy, so that's probably the reason that this news actually made it on the air in some form on the major news outlets like CNN, ABC, Fox News and the other tabloids that dictate what people should think in America.  But I think the real reason that the American media machine has failed to cover the uprisings in the Muslim countries of Africa and the Middle East in any real first hand detail is because they can't cover it.  The American tabloids have lost their step and are so pathetic that they rather focus on manipulating people rather than tell the news. Through the entire Libyan conflict they couldn't even get a reporter into the frontlines in Libya.  What a big step backwards from the glory days of CNN and their ilk, when they were the only major players in Iraq during the Gulf War.  The moment that captures this fall from grace best is when Anderson Cooper marched into Cairo like some cowboy cunt during the Egyptian uprising and got chased through the streets like a chicken with its head cut off.  He ran away like the rest of the Big American media reporters in the following days and came back with his tail between his legs.  The only reporters that remained in these "hot spots" after this were reporters from the BBC and Al-Jazeera and some other smaller localized organizations.  And even though the BBC and Al-Jazeera are biased, at least they aren't total shit like CNN and Fox News.  It seems the rest of the world doesn't "respect" pretty boy Anglo journalists with fancy degrees from an East Coast college anymore and believes that maybe locals and a diverse core of reporters should be involved in the news.  Hopefully CNN and ABC will get the memo soon.  So while the major players had to rely on secondary information to tell people the news, the BBC and Al-Jazeera came out like they actually gave a damn about the news and not just about how pretty they can make things and how they can inject America into the story as some heroic beacon.

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The most laughable aspect of the American media reports of the Muslim uprisings were that this was some sort of Facebook revolution.  And that without American technology and its "amazing" creations like Twitter and Facebook none of this would be possible.  That was sort of believable until people started dying for their cause in large numbers and then that stupid spin on the story just came off as pathetic and was slowly swept under the rug.  The fact of the matter was that people revolted in Tunisia, Morocco, Egypt, Syria and in other Muslim countries because they were fed up with bullshit, garbage propaganda journalism and dumb-ass leaders.  Even without social networking or computers, I'm pretty sure these people would have fought back.  It's hard to believe, when your only source of news is CNN and MSNBC, but did you know that before computers all the revolutions that occurred in the world didn't make use of the internet or social networks?  IT'S TRUE!  Sometimes people can revolt and cause change without using pretentious garbage like Twitter and Facebook.  Who knew?

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Overall, the whole story of what's being called the "Arab Spring" started in Tunisia when a simple street vendor called Mohamed Bouazizi got fed up with being treated like shit by the government and set himself on fire on December 17, 2010.  He died a few weeks later on January 4, 2011 and his death and story inspired Tunisian protests that caused a change in the government and led to more uprisings in Egypt, Libya, Syria, Yemen, Bahrain, Algeria, Morocco and almost all the Muslim countries.  It really is a shame that the major media cartel didn't cover his story in more detail, because even though he was just a humble street vendor he is perhaps the most influential person of 2011.  But alas, he's not a "Muslim Bad Guy" so the media cartel wouldn't want to give the impression that some Muslims can be heroic and brave and not terrorists.  And to top it off, this all occurred in a small town in Tunisia.  Heaven forbid that a revolution begin in a non-pretentious shithole like New York City, London, Paris, Berlin or any other “major city”.  Because as the big media machine leads us to believe, important news can only happen in New York City, London and other cities of that ilk.

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This term "Arab Spring" sort of sounds like an Anglo-coined term that oversimplifies what's happening in the region and makes it easy to understand for a borderline retarded simpleton audience that apparently makes up most of the American (and global) population.  For one thing, most of the countries that are taking part in this don't really consider themselves Arab and only share the Islamic religion with the Arab people.  In addition, most of the countries in Africa where this is happening would probably find it incredibly offensive if you called them Arabs.  So since everyone is making up terms, I think that the events of 2011 and beyond should be known as the "Bouazizi Revolution".  You got to admire someone who has the balls to set himself on fire to prove a point and he really should be remembered by more people.  Many people have followed the path of self-immolation before Bouazizi, even in Tunisia itself, but for some reason his story struck a chord and was the spark that ignited the powder keg of change (for better or worse) in the Middle East. 

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Nowadays, everyone is protesting and saying how we need change in this country.  But none of the "Tea Party" or "Occupy" cunts have set themselves on fire yet, so it's safe to assume that all the morons in this country who are talking about change only want to come out on TV and get attention.  These people just love the sound of their voices and need to inflate their self-satisfaction.  Maybe their time would be better spent getting a Law Degree or getting a degree in "Journalism", then they can flap their gums all day and feel important.  I strongly doubt they are really that frustrated with the way things are.  If you want to see what frustration with the system looks like, I strongly suggest you read all of Mohamed Bouazizi's story - now THAT'S frustration and WANTING change.  Camping Out in a park is just a bunch of cunts looking for attention.

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So as we approach 2012 we still have growing pains in the Middle East, garbage "journalism" all around the world, and dictators & corrupt politicians in every corner of the globe.  But if 2011 showed us anything is that change really is possible in this world and that new beginnings can come from the most unlikely and humble locations.  So long live change.  Long live hope.  Long live fighting for what you believe it.  Long live the truth.  Long live the freedom to call the government and their big media concubines, "complete total fucking corrupt cunt bags."  Long live new beginnings.  And long live Mohammed Bouazizi!

Every year Papa Christmas Hefner brings us goodies in the form of “Girls of [Insert Conference Here]” via Playboy Magazine – which is sort of like his religious book.  To us, this yearly holiday is called Simple Minded Christmas and it happened last month.  Here are our picks for the cutest and most delicious presents received this year from the SEC in alphabetical order because we love all these girls equally and will not rank them.  And as always, special thanks to the Mogwais in our legal department for keeping things PG-13 and legal.

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Haley Ann – Auburn

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Haley is simply adorable.  I like how she’s just waiting for you in bed all like, “Hey Baby, why don’t you come over here and cuddle with me ….. oops, it seems my bosom has accidentally popped out.”  You know it didn’t just accidentally pop out, but you still play along because you just want to cuddle with her.

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Liliana Cook – Auburn

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Liliana doesn’t show any nudity in her pictorial, but it just drives me crazy that you can almost see her boobies but she shyly covers up.  You got a love the shy ones and that’s why I love Liliana.

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Tessa Fowler – South Carolina

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     What can you say about Tessa?  She has amazing eyes, her hair is superb, her legs are gorgeous, she has a simply perfect cherub-like face and her breasts are pretty good.  Oh, who are we kidding …. SHE HAS THE BEST BREASTS TO APPEAR IN PLAYBOY IN 2011 AND THEY ARE PERHAPS THE BEST BREASTS OF ALL TIME!  God works in amazing ways, and how he put that amazing bosom on such a small perfect frame is something that scientists should definitely study to look into the existence of God.  She really looks cute on the rock there, almost like “The Little Mermaid” without the fish tail.  I’m sure this is what Hans Christian Andersen and Disney animators had in mind when they created and re-made “The Little Mermaid”.

When Playboy and Disney join forces to re-create beloved children's stories, everybody wins!  Sebastian, Flounder and Scuttle look excited - even more excited than me!

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Kassidi Olaes – Mississippi

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     I simply adore Kassidi’s puffy little cheeks. (If anybody's wondering, I'm also amazed I didn't write "puffy little nipples" in that last sentence.)  She reminds me of a cute little chipmunk with her little cheeks.  Come here little chipmunk, come here.  I won’t hurt you. Chip Chip Chip Chip.

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Jackie Pines – Alabama

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     God, I love redheads.  Jackie is perfect except for the fact that she is thousands of miles away from me and I can’t hit on her.  Her red hair contrasts beautifully with her porcelain skin and her black nails show that she’s a tough girl too.  I am reminded of Melanie Griffith in “Cherry 2000” when I look at Jackie, but Jackie wins because she’s completely naked and I love cute little redheads more than anything else in the world.

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To see the actual pictures and the rest of the lovely southern lasses of the SEC, please go to the official Playboy SEC page.  And don't be cheap and get yourself a subscription and see all the fine jublie goodness that Papa Christmas Hefner offers.

The 2011 Plaza Classic Film Festival is underway and we are at Simple Minded Entertainment will offer our choices for the festival's best movies.  Here is the definitive viewing guide for all 79 films as compiled by our writers: Duckrunner, the king & Driftco.

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1.  Blade Runner (The Final Cut)
1982 | R | Digital | Sci-Fi, Thriller | d. Ridley Scott | 117 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Friday, Aug 5 at 10:00 PM
Duckrunner - Edward James Olmos proves that in the future Mexicans will learn to multi-task.  Not only will they be future cops, the will be artistic future cops that know how to make origami.
the king - Sometimes I fantasize about Rutger Hauer.  Do I have problems?
Driftco - I like to think of this movie as, "When Solo retires".  You know, after he's done banging Lukes sister and what not.
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2.  Fantasia
1940 | Not Rated | New Digital Restoration | Animation, Family | d. Various Directors | 124 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Wednesday, Aug 10 at 06:30 PM
the king - Drugtastic!
Driftco – LSD anyone?
Duckrunner – I like how our writer’s independently thought of drugs when thinking about this movie.  “Simple Minded Entertainment – Keeping Drug Addicts Off The Streets By Employing Them As Writers Since 2003”
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3.  Raiders of the Lost Ark
1981 | PG | New Digital Restoration | Action, Adventure | d. Steven Spielberg | 118 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Thursday, Aug 11 at 06:30 PM
Thursday, Aug 11 at 09:15 PM
the king - Blockbuster movies used to be freakin' awesome.
Driftco - I like to think of this as "When Solo goes back in time and takes care of business”.
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4.  Taxi Driver
1976 | R | New Digital Restoration | Drama, Thriller | d. Martin Scorsese | 113 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Saturday, Aug 6 at 10:00 PM
the king - I have problems, but Scorcese has more problems.
Duckrunner - My favorite memory of "Taxi Driver" is when Travis Bickle takes a girl to a porno theatre on a first date.  Man, do I know what the feels like.  But now I know my lesson and know that you only take girls to those types of movies on the 3rd date.
Driftco - Once again, this is on my list because of the director, and also because its on my MUST WATCH list.
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5.  Frankenstein
1931 | Not Rated | 35mm Archival | Drama, Horror | d. James Whale | 70 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Tuesday, Aug 9 at 01:00 PM
the king - [insert glib remark here]
Duckrunner - There is an unofficial sequel released a few years ago called "Spankenstein".  I am going to ask the organizers of this even to schedule "Spankenstein" at next year's festival.
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6.  The Godfather: Part II
1974 | R | 35mm Restored | Crime, Drama | d. Francis Ford Coppola | 200 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Tuesday, Aug 9 at 06:30 PM
the king - Al Pacino in all his evil glory.  Before he turned into a scene-chewing loud old man.
Driftco - They say this is the best in the series. However, they say alot of things dont they.
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7.  Beauty and the Beast
1991 | G | 35mm Print | Animation, Family | d. Gary Trousdale, Kirk Wise | 84 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Sunday, Aug 7 at 12:30 PM
the king - I make tears with this movie.
Duckrunner – Is it disturbing that I think Belle is really cute in this movie.  Seriously, outside of Wendy from Peter Pan she’s the cutest of the Disney heroines.
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8.  Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
1953 | Not Rated | 35mm Print | Comedy, Musical | d. Howard Hawks | 91 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Thursday, Aug 4 at 07:00 PM
the king - I also fantasize about Ms. Monroe.
Duckrunner - I would take it a step further and say I fantasize about Ms. Monroe AND Rutger Hauer as I do unholy things.
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9.  Tron
1982 | PG | Digital | Family, Sci-Fi | d. Steven Lisberger | 96 mins.
Philanthropy Theatre
Tuesday, Aug 9 at 03:30 PM
the king - "Has anyone seen the movie Tron?" ha ha
Duckrunner - Yes … ugh … I mean no.
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10.  Dumbo
1941 | G | New Digital Restoration | Animation, Family | d. Various Directors | 64 mins.
Kendle Kidd Performance Hall
Sunday, Aug 14 at 01:00 PM
Duckrunner - Once upon a time, even kid's movies had balls.  Dumbo starts off sad because all the people make fun of him and then his mom is locked up for kicking ass and making people pay.  Dumbo is then left all alone and his only friend is a mouse in a fancy suit.  He has a shitty job in the circus and that causes him to be depressed because nobody likes having a shitty job.  One day Dumbo gets (accidentally) drunk with his mouse friend, sees pink elephants and blacks out and ends up in a tree.  Dumbo realizes he can fly, and with the help of his mouse friend, kicks some ass and becomes famous and reunites with his mom.  That's what you call an awesome plot to a kid's film!  If this film were made today, Dumbo's mom would have never been locked up and there's no way in hell Dumbo realizes he can fly after getting drunk.  Nowadays, all the children get is hillbilly talking cars, 25 Shrek sequels and piles and piles of animated horse shit.  Kids today are a bunch of pussies for this reason.  Even if you're an adult you should see this movie because it still speaks to people regardless of their age.  For example, I can relate to the following elements in this amazing story:  having a shitty job that depresses me, being friends with a mouse in a fancy suit, getting drunk with mice and blacking out in strange locations, and flying around and shooting peanuts from my nose.
Driftco - Because this film proves that elephants can make you cry.
Every-time!
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Continue reading for the rest of the guide

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